Abba, Father!

This is the phrase that is being spoken more and more at my church.  We have been a congregation that sought the arm of God.  We have sought his actions, signs, and miracles.  We have sought to know about God as much as possible.  Now comes the breakthrough… We are striving to know God intimately.  He is awakening in us a desire to know Him as Abba.

Papa…Daddy…these are words that we are told we are to use to show our familial relationship with our God.  He is not simply Lord.  He is not only King.  He is not only the High and Lofty One who demands obedience.  He is the loving Father.  He deals tenderly with His adopted children.  He desires a relationship with His children.

So why is this so hard for me?

• It’s hard for me to address God as Father, let alone Daddy.
• It’s hard for me to see God in an intimate relationship with me.
• It’s hard for me to connect my head to my heart.

Maybe that is why:

• I don’t spend time in prayer.
• When I pray, it’s as if I am simply throwing my prayers into the air, hoping that God will hear them from where He is.
• I tend to rely on “cheap grace” as Bonhoeffer put it.
• I keep finding the need to check myself to make sure I don’t meander into hyper-Calvinism.

Why do I have this difficulty?

• I think much of it I can chalk up to issues with my Dad.
• I also think its because I grew up with a knowledge of God, yet had no relationship with Him.
• The more I study with God as the object of my studies, the more distant from Him I grow.

What can I do?

• I need to pray.
• I need to pray that God will change me.
• I need to seek relationship with Him.
• I need to realize that not only is God the subject of my studies, but He is the agent by whom true learning is given.

What do I feel like right now?

• I feel like one of the Scribes and Pharisees.
• I know about God, but I don’t have much of a relationship with Him.

Why was Honduras so different?

• I was in constant communion with God each time I went to Honduras.
• I truly felt like His son at those times.
• But each time I got back to the states, I went back to this garbage.

Forgive me Papa, I only want to be Your son.

Questions without Answers (yet)

What am I going to do when I get out of seminary?

• What will my church look like at that point?  Would I be needed there?
• I have a desire to preach.  But in what capacity does God have me doing that right after seminary?
• Will I go on to a higher degree?
• Will I work in the secular field?  If so, what could I possibly do with my degrees (Sell used cars, perhaps)?
• Will God lead me to another church/town/state/region/country?
• Will I be led to help plant a church perhaps?
• What will my church look like at that point?  Would I be needed there?

When will I get out of seminary?

Will I buy a motorcycle?

• I have in mind a Honda Nighthawk 250cc, so perhaps I should have put motorcycle in quotations.
• I want one to save gas money on as well as to enjoy the commutes a bit more.

What was Steve Smith (of the Carolina Panthers) thinking?

Why do I do what I do not want to do?

When will Mutemath’s new album come out?

Why don’t I write down my thoughts for blog entries when I don’t have Internet access in order to post them later?  I never remember what I think that I will at the time.

When can I make a difference?

True Intimacy

I have always been quite perplexed by II Samuel 6, which is why I have chosen it to do my exegesis paper on during the summer (well, at least through verse 15 the whole nudity thing isn’t what I’m so befuddled by).

So I have been doing an Inductive Bible Study of my selected passage today and I feel that there are some similarities to what is going on in my church right now.  And in case that doesn’t have you confused, go ahead and read II Samuel 6:1-15.

Here’s a quick rundown (and if you rely on my rundown rather than read it for yourself than shame on you).

• David and the chosen men of Israel go to bring the ark of YHWH into Jerusalem.
• Uzzah and Ahio, brothers, are in charge of the cart which is carrying the ark.
• One of the oxen pulling the cart stumbles while just outside the city, and Uzzah reached out his hand to steady the ark.
• God is infuriated by Uzzah’s error and strikes him dead on the spot.
• David gets mad at God, then subsequently fears bringing the ark into Jerusalem.
• David takes the ark into the house of a Gittite (non-Israelite).
• For three months the presence of the ark brings blessing to Obed-edom, the Gittite, and all his household.
• David then brings the ark into Jerusalem with much fervor, dancing, and much to Michal’s displeasure, nudity on the part of David.

Sure we don’t have the ark in our church, sure nobody has died recently from touching said ark, sure nobody dances in the nude in our church (at least while in our church, that is).  But I tell you there are similarities.

Bill has been preaching on the love of the Father and His desire for intimacy with us.  Well we have recently been ushered into the presence of the Father.

Here’s what happened last Sunday.

• Most things did not go right.
• Everything felt a bit haphazard; nothing flowed well at first.
• The person whose responsibility it was to pray after the music and before the sermon (pastoral type prayer along with a prayer over the offering) didn’t get his cue to come up due to a lack of communication over how many songs would be played.
• So instead, Matt (member of the worship team that is still standing on stage at this point) started praying.  Then Henry, the worship leader started.  Their prayers were extremely anointed and it served to introduce the congregation to the Father’s yearning for us.
• Then Henry said that the tithe was not important right now, it would break up what was happening and it would cause us to be distracted (It must be said that we are in dire financial straits right now, but that was secondary to what God was doing; we can always trust Him).  So we ended up dropping our offerings in the plate on the way out the doors later on.
• The music continued.  The song was “True Intimacy”.  I think that that continued until around 12 which is when we normally end the service.  So we didn’t have a sermon on Sunday.
• Instead, what we had was a congregation that was invited to have intimacy with the Father.  The Holy One, the Lion, the Sovereign King over all, spoke to his beloved children and revealed how loudly His heart beats for us.
• I was in the sound booth running the slides.  At one point I left the slides in order to just go and embrace my friend Curt who was running sound.  We were both weeping at the knowledge of the Father’s love for us.  (and not to be too inwardly focused, I think I was crying more so because of seeing God’s great love for Curt; I was weeping in joy with him)
• By 1:30 there were still a good deal of people in the church.

So how in the world does that relate to the ark and Uzzah’s death and Obed-edom’s blessing and David’s dancing?

I felt like David.   Throughout II Sam 6, David exhibits a flow of emotional states.  He was (1) joyful, then (2) angry, then (3) afraid, then (4) joyful.

Here is where I will chart my emotional states as they reveal my reaction to the movement of God.

1. As I sensed God moving upon the people, I rejoiced.  I sat back and watched the love of Yahweh being poured out upon our congregation (my vantage point in the sound booth is pretty good for things like that).  I rejoiced over my friend(brother) Curt.  If I were a dancing man, I would have danced.  But I am a crying man, so I wept.  I rejoiced that God’s presence and His blessing was here, just as David rejoiced in the presence of the Ark and it’s blessing.
2. I never felt angry, this one isn’t an exact one to one relationship.  Nobody died, so I didn’t get angry.  I simply skipped to #3.
3. Fear.  The presence of God is the presence of pure and undefiled holiness.  When corruption comes in contact with that holiness, the corruption is obliterated.  Uzzah died.  My sins become apparent.  Just as Isaiah, I cry in my inward, “Woe is me!”.  I feel as though I am as good off as Uzzah.  Contact with holiness will only destroy that which is not holy.  I felt almost as though this was a curse and I feared intimacy with my God.  I recoiled a bit at the thought of His presence.  If I could, I would send Him to someone else just as David had done.
4. I realized the blessing that comes from the presence of God.  I realized that I am clothed with the righteousness of Christ (Imputed, not imparted righteousness).  The holiness of God exposes my sin but I am not destroyed for them.  That destruction had been wreaked upon Another.  So, I rejoiced at the blessing which intimacy with God brings, just as it did to Obed-edom.  And now I rejoice over and yearn for the presence of God, intimacy with YHWH, my Papa, just as David did, and is known for doing with all his heart.